Monday, June 30, 2008

Home Sweet Home


Exactly one week at the beach with the whole family. Let me paint the picture…

Me, my man Biggs, Mom and Dad, the sis and her hubby and their two year old, and my dad’s fishing buddy Captain Wayne.

All of these people in one house for a week. Let’s just say that by Friday I was SO happy to see my house again. Mind you, it wouldn’t have been so bad if my bed wasn’t actually a wooden slab disguised as a bed. Oh, and if it were bigger than mine and Biggs combined asses. Since it was neither of these things, I woke up every ½ hour yelling at him to quit breathing on me and to get back on his side. And then there was the 7 AM 2 year old alarm every morning. I think the latest I slept the whole trip was until 7:45 AM. Nice huh? Also, I believe I ate my weight in desserts while I was there. So yeah, I am glad to be home in my comfy king size bed with lots of veggies and fruit in the fridge.

Coming back through our neighborhood we had to wait to let a flock of geese walk by. This is a normal thing in the hood. There are about 20 or so of them. They walk right out in front of you and walk butt ass slow across to the other side. I am cool with letting them do their thing because there are cute little babies and everything. Well I happened to notice that one goose had a knob where a foot should have been. So he had what looked like a peg leg! It was like a pirate! I got very sad about it and asked Biggs “but how does he swim?” He replied “in circles I guess”.

Oh and I just wanted to tell everyone, if you haven’t joined Etsy yet and started buying…you are a crazy person! I just bought the BEST lip balm in the entire world. I ordered 4 tubes and ended up getting 6 (she gives freebies!). I got grilled peanut butter and banana sandwich (love Elvis), pumpkin bars, carmel popcorn, buttered pancakes, plum rum, and pink mud. These bad boys are awesome. They smell so good!

Her address is

Well I am off to be productive! Check out my site, I just listed tons of new fun things!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Sweat Your Ass Off ♥

So, I know I am not the only one to notice that it is like 200 degrees outside here lately. I talk myself out of actually going places because I know that the heat will make me sweaty.

I sweat my ass off.

Ever heard the expression? If you are ever around foul mouth complainers (like myself) then I am sure you have.

How great would it be if it were actually true? Like you get out of your car after a long drive when the air conditioning is taking it's own sweet time to cool things off...and you look down. There it is! A little pile of ass that you sweated off. A little pile of fleshing looking material...dimples included. Woo hoo, look at me. A one hour hot car trip and I am a half size smaller! I, for one, would be suffering the heat a lot more often. I would come to work and be like "don't mind that, it's just some of my ass."

But alas...that is not the case!

What happens is you just sweat, even you ass.

It has happened to all of us. Your hanging out in the heat and everything, behind knees, forehead, cleavage, and the ass...all start to sweat. What is worse, when the sweat becomes noticeable to others. It is OK to be a sloppy mess for only you to know about...but when your sweaty pits or what have you begin to show signs on your clothes, you have a problem.

I went to an outdoor graduation Friday. One such woman was located directly in front of me. She was wearing too tight khaki shorts and odd clunky heels. As she bent over, I saw it. I sweat line going down the entire length of her butt seam. Come to think of it, as much sweat as it was, it was quite possible she WAS sweating her actual ass off.

So I leave you with this. Be cool and try to stay dry on these hot summer days. But, if that is not an option. Be like me, and wear a nice knit sundress out, so all the crack sweat will never be noticeable. And if you see me out, in said dress, just assume that I am losing that ass, as we speak.