Today, I am all about the randomness. I feel this is partly due to the fact that my life gets to happen in random spurts in between being forced to work for a living and having to be in class listening to some old boring professor talk about what “research” means for 5 class periods. Seriously.
Let me break down some of the things that have happened to me lately, I have come to realize, or that have really been floating around in my head like a bird, all jacked up on Red Bull (bashing into the side and all that).
Men, over the age of…lets say 10, should never leave the house in red rubber shoes. I mean Crocs just aren’t the manliest shoes I have ever seen. Let me say it this way, if a dude in a bar tried to push up on me while wearing rubber shoes with smiling green gators on the side (in my dream said guy also has lots of those colorful “Jibits” all over them) I would have to politely laugh in his face. I bring up this fact because I went to the store the other day, looking a bit of a hot mess. It was just the grocery store close to my house so I wasn’t that worried about it. Well I pass this man in the parking lot and he gives me the up and down and gives me a disgusted face. MIND YOU he was wearing a little too short navy shorts, a beat up polo, black socks pulled all the way up on his calves and BRIGHT RED CROCS! I wanted to be like “You need to go take a look-see in the mirror before you judge my gauchos. At least I am not spit, mud, blood, urine, feces, and water proof and able to be worn by toddlers of all ages”.
If someone steals your inflatable lawn decoration, it is not cause for you to be the leading story on the evening news. It’s just not. The best part, when interviewed, the “victim” said this, “I can’t believe someone would do something so evil. That decoration is all I have to remember my dead aunt by!” Yeah, no.
McDonalds, Arbys, all you other fast food joints, the JIG IS UP! We know your ice cream machine isn’t broken! We know it is just that it is 10 PM and you don’t feel like making my McFlurry and having to re-clean the machine. Don’t try that crap on me! Just say it like it is “Um, ice cream? Well Miss, I am simply too lazy to have any gumption to get up and fix your delicious, overpriced, barley even mixed, more or less sprinkled on top M&M dessert. So, in a sense, my ambition is broken, not so much the machine.” Lucky for the McDonalds people, I drove off too fast for Mr. Big to completely get out of the car to kill the drive though worker. He gets serious about his M&M McFlurry.
If you ride a scooter, you probably don’t need bling. I’m just saying. If you have to ride a little scooter, covered in mud, dented and scratched up purple paint (looking like you crashed it into a rhino’s ass) there are probably a lot better things for you to spend your money on. You might not need the 30 inch gold chain with the pendant that spins and glistens in the sun.
And a little Cherries Rock My Socks on etsy update, I will be selling at the Asheboro, NC fall festival this year! First weekend in October! Come out and support the local arts and better yet, me!