The Aftermath, and Why Aren't I Mentioned In Textbooks?

So, as planned I attended the yearly family reunion yesterday. Of course Mr. Big decided to sleep in and miss the festivities…so I was left alone with the nut bags that are my extended family.

Macaroni cooler lady was there in full force. Much to my surprise though, she was in capris! We were so shocked by the lack of knit shorts that we just couldn’t control ourselves.

Family member in jail was there. She acted as if she were away at a resort though. “I’ll be back from my break in about six months”. And obviously they give prison highlights now instead of prison tattoos.

Best part of the day was when “crazy family member who thinks they are in charge, who no one really knows who they are” started her festivities. Let me paint the picture.

She brought her own karaoke machine. I do not lie. While we were all sitting around eating our questionable reunion food (I opted for the KFC on the table. I know the Kernel; he can’t mess up his chicken. It is finger lickin good.). Half way through my chicken leg I hear the craziness begin. “I know you are all still eating but we have to get this show on the road. Let’s all get up and stand in a circle and hold hands.” I kid you not. People started to file out of there at an alarming pace. My cousin and I decided to hang out for a minute to see what odd thing she had planned. She started passing around fabric flower petals to everyone. She then brought out a vase so as we stood in a circle, holding hands, we could drop our petal in the vase in memory of someone. She also added that she would be singing while they did this. Me and my cuz jumped ship at that point!

The absolute best part was before we all ate, crazy herself began to talk about our family. She stated that we were the first settlers. I believe that she meant we were the first settlers of that area, but they made it sound as if we had been on the same ship with old Chris Columbus. Being the smartasses that we are, me and my cousin made a field day of this, commenting on how there was no corn on the dinner table, or maize as the Indians taught us when our family first settled this land. I then wondered to myself which ship my great, great, great, great, great (etc) grand pappy was on, the Nina, the Pinta, or the Santa Maria. I figured it had the be the Pinta. It is kind of close to sounding like a Pinto car…and we are just that kind of family.

Either way, I am quite proud of my new found conquistador heritage.

And I am quite terrified to ever go back to my family reunion.