As my loyal readers may know, I live with a complete nut-bag. I do love Mr. Big, but sometimes he does and says things that are just so random, weird, funny, idiotic, that I have to laugh at him and tell him that yes, in fact, you are a complete dumbass.
Last night was such a time.
At 10:30 Pm Mr. Big decided that he was hungry. This guy can eat for days and still be starved. I try to explain to him that he only has the one stomach, and he isn’t eating to go into hibernation, or anything else weird that animals are doing when they consume 3 day’s worth of food at one sitting. So right before bed he decides he will raid the cabinets. Mind you, our pantry is down to the nitty gritty because we have both been too busy to shop. I say that but really, I have been to busy to shop. Mr. Big is scared of the grocery store. He will not go. Ever. So, he starts to rummage and I hear all these huffs and puffs because there is nothing good in the pantry. So all of a sudden he comes out with this look of defeat on his face and a pack of ramen noodles in his hand.
“Are these any good?”
“Big, you have never had Ramen Noodles???”
“No. There really isn’t anything any good in there. Thought I might try these.”
“Well, welcome to the real world babe!”
Mr. Big is completely helpless so I had to share with him how you make this wondrous noodle concoction…meaning I made them for him. Personally I like to add a little butter to mine to make them tasty. Also, I feel that you are never too young to be at risk for a heart attack. Also, it is quite delicious to add a little tuna to the shrimp flavor.
Mr. Big devourers the whole bowl of the salty goodness (while laying in the bed…oh yeah, sexy) and looks at me with this magical look in his eyes…
“Aren’t these like 10 cent a pack?”
“Yeah, something like that. Why”
“We should get more!”
“Big, there are like 5 packs down there still. That should hold you for a while.”
“These are so great and so cheap! Our grocery bill is going to drop so much!”
“Dear, you can’t eat just Ramen.”
“Well, it has like a zillion grams of sodium, and loads of fat!”
“It can’t. It’s just noodles!”
“Well I will get you a whole case and see how long you last.”
I know, we all have our weak moments. We have all ventured down the Ramen path before in a moment of hunger and broke-ness. But, I traveled that road long ago, at a much younger age. I find if funny that at 30 years of age, Mr. Big discovered Ramen. Not just that, but he feels we should quit buying all food other than Ramen.
This is what I live with, every day. I think you should all fear for my health if I am forced to start eating ramen regularly. There is a reason these are all that is left when the pantry is almost bare.
In the last days on earth, all that will be left is cockroaches and a lone pack of ramen…
…that will probably kill the cockroaches.