Friday, August 1, 2008

Stealing the Sexiness Back From the Senior Citizens

I am mad fresh. I know it. And, unlike most people, I know exactly why. How did I get to this place of absolute awesomeness, you ask… With the help of Mr. Big’s possibly senile grandma.

Mr. Big’s mother came over before Christmas and was talking to us about what all of the plans were as far as where we to be and when. Then she got a very serious look on her face and said “Please, no matter what you get, please act excited. Your grandmother is very old and is going rather nuts. I went shopping with her the other day and noticed that she got like 5 huge jars of pickles. I think she intends on giving them as presents. So, if you open a jar of pickles, please thank her and act very excited.” By this point, I am rolling on the floor laughing. FINALLY! It was Mr. Big’s family that was insane, not mine! Just like the little old lady in Christmas Vacation who wrapped up her cat and a Jell-O mold, she was going to wrap up random things from around her house and give them as gifts!

So we get to her house and settle in. After the dog finished humping my head (seriously, they have a 100 pound lab. I had to sit on the floor and he took a liking to me. What was bad is I was like “Aw, Jack you are so sweet” while trying to push him off of me and his grandpa says “You have a way with dogs, he really has taken a liking to you.”) we all got ready to open our presents. I watched, trying to hold in my giggles, as Big opened his gift. If I am lyin I am dyin, he got a carton of Marlboros and a huge jar of pickles. After we exchanged glances, it was my turn to open my gift. Realizing it wasn’t very heavy, I was thankful in knowing I wouldn’t have to pretend to adore pickles (they make me want to die just thinking about them). I opened my box and pulled out what I thought was a muumuu. Just when I started to plan out a response like “man I ADORE muumuus!” or “Who has time to wear real clothes, anyway?” I realized it was in fact, a house coat.

A lovely pink and white floral house coat.

Sadly, at the age of 26, I loved it! I could see on Mr. Big’s mom’s face she thought I was just playing along, but in fact, I wanted one!

Because I am bringing the house coat back.

You can bring back sexy all you want, Justin, but I am bringing back true sexiness. What is sexier than an article of clothing that can cover everything up and doesn’t even have to be worn with anything under it?

Just ask my neighbors…I let the dogs out in the back yard every morning, wearing my house coat. I know they have all seen me. I bet I am that person that everyone talks about over dinner. “Did you see that crazy girl over there in that get up? I wish she would put some damn clothes on!”

Usually these items are reserved for old women, but I think it is time the younger generation takes it back! Why can’t we just jump out of bed and pretend we are wearing a trench coat…all FBI style? Why can’t we enjoy the freedom of a garment that you don’t even have to wear underwear with? Loyal readers…the time is now! Take back the forgotten robe of hotness. Oh, I wear mine all the time. I don’t know how Mr. Big can keep his hands off of me!

So, if you are looking to be just as stylish as your girl here…pop on a stylin house coat, waltz out into the back yard…and just know that you are the hottest thing around for miles! (Except for old Mrs. Jones down the block. From here it looks like hers is neon green polka dotted. You go Mrs. Jones!)

**I would like to thank my girl Boo for inspiring me to tell my story of my love of house coats..
Check out her etsy page for awesome cuffs, hats and anything else badass she knits up! (and she has an awesome mohawk. I bet she would look fab in a house coat!)


fluffnflowers said...

I love housecoats. I used to hate it when my grandmother would give me dusters for my birthday, but I've gotten to where I LOVE them! I'm 21 and I'm old.

Damselle Jewelry said...

OMG I have to have one now! Can I get one with marabou?

Jenney said...

I'm sure you are sexy as ever in your housecoat!
I love your blog, and I've nominated you for a little blog-love award. Details on my blog :)